Telemarketing --5,000 Years In The Future

Spock: Captain....Sensors have detected an object ahead.

Kirk: Can you make it out Spock?

Spock: Not at this time. The object is out of range.

Kirk: Warp factor 1. Steady as she goes.

Spock: Object is now in sensor range.

Kirk: On screen.

Enterprise Viewscreen

Spock: Fascinating.

Kirk: What do you make of it Spock?

Spock: Captain, it appears to be a late 20th Century device used by earthlings to communicate.

Kirk: You mean a telephone.

Spock: Precisely Captain. But in the late 21st Century the telephone network was so filled up with transmissions of advertising messages that people stopped using them.

Kirk: I remember reading about that. The people used machines to dial the phones. I think they were called telemarketers.

Spock: Yes, Captain, they were...and quite a few other names too!

Uhura: Incoming transmission, Captain.

Kirk: Put it through [pause] This is James T. Kirk, Captain of the Star Ship Enterprise

(Voice): Good evening Mr. Kirk. How are you tonight?

Kirk: I am fine. State your business in this quadrant.

(Voice) This is Ann Annoyance calling on behalf of Inter-Galactic Visa. We have put a special program together for good customers like yourself. Now you must admit that losing your Inter-Galactic Visa could mean real problems, especially if it fell into the hands of Klingons. Now with Inter-Galactic Visa's Credit Shield Program you are.........

Kirk: Stop right there. I don't need your program. Our hailing frequencies are unlisted. I want to know, how did you get them?

(Voice) I don't know how we got your hailing frequencies, but this program will protect you wherever you go in the........[continuing on in the background]

Kirk: Uhura, sever this communications link immediately.

Uhura: I can't break the link, they've locked it up.

Spock: Fascinating.

Kirk: What's so fascinating about a crappy insurance policy?

Spock: No Captain, I was referring to the fact the caller disguised herself as a friend, so that she can penetrate our communication system without warning.

Kirk: Bridge to Mr. Scott.

Mr. Scott: Scotty here Captain.

Krik: Give me a reading on the ships energy source.

Mr. Scott: Captain, the energy of the ship is being diverted by some unknown force that is trying to sell a crappy insurance policy to a credit card holder on board this ship. I'll do what I can to restore the Di-Lithium Crystals.

Uhura: Were still locked in to the transmission, I can't break free of the message.

Kirk: Ready photon torpedoes.

Spock: If I may make a suggestion, Captain?

Kirk: Certainly.

Spock: In checking the archives in the ships computer, it seems that the best way to eliminate a telemarking call was to say "I want your 'Do Not Call Policy'".

Kirk: This is Captain James T. Kirk of the Star Ship Enterprise. I want your "Do Not Call" Policy.

[A large explosion happens on screen]

Uhura: The Transmissions have ceased, Captain.

Kirk: Thank goodness!

Spock: It was only logical Captain.

Kirk: As usual, your logic is perfect.

Spock: Thank you Captain. I often wonder why you earthlings let such a terrible thing go on until it destroyed the communications system. On Vulcan, we outlawed telemarketing centuries ago. Why would anyone buy anything from a telemarketer? To do so would be highly illogical, Captain.

Kirk: I know Spock, we humans are not very logical. But I do think that we are learning.




Remember: Mr. Spock says, "To buy from a telemarketer would be highly illogical".